A Week Ago

A week ago was supposed to be one of the best days of our lives. CT and I had planned to announce to the world that we were expecting Baby #2 and that Kingston was going to be a big brother come March. 

Instead, a week ago we went to the Dr. and learned that our baby who was supposed to be 10 weeks and 6 days was only measuring 9 weeks and 1 day and that it's heart had stopped. 

 What was supposed to be one of the best days of our lives quickly turned into one of the saddest.

As CT wrote on FB:
"Well, we were going to post this awesome picture yesterday to announce the great news that we were expecting our second baby, but instead we have horrible news. Yesterday we went to the doctor for a check-up on the baby and to see the heartbeat, but to our dismay, there was no heartbeat. It goes without saying, we are heartbroken and totally crushed. We know our baby is in Heaven with plenty of loving family members to hang out with. I don't know why God does the things he does in my life, and it's dumb to waste my time stressing over it, because I know He does everything for good reasons I can't fathom. Tiffany is the strongest woman I know and I couldn't ask for a better mother to Kingston and my future children. Seeing how courageous she has been in everything she has had to go through the last 2 days makes me proud to be her husband. It's hard not to bust out and cry over every baby we see or anything that reminds us of a baby, so we really appreciate your prayers for healing and understanding, and the kind words you have given us. We just ask that you please continue to pray for us."

 Deep down I just knew. It was too easy this time. It took 2 years to get pregnant with Kingston and 2 weeks to get pregnant with this baby. It never totally sunk in and it never really felt real. I kept saying "I'm so nervous. I so badly just want to see a heart beat and a growing baby." Last minute I made CT get a sub for the afternoon because I had a feeling our appointment would take longer than his lunch break. Looking back, I think the Holy Spirit was slowly preparing me for the heartbreaking news we were about to get. 

So many emotions went through me this past week: 

I felt sad. Sad because no mother should go the the fear or pain of having a baby vacuumed from her womb. I felt mad. Mad because we now have a massive hospital bill with no precious gift to show for it. I felt selfish. Selfish because I'm upset at the amount of time lost. It takes forever to get pregnant and even longer to get even 10.5 weeks in. So much time was lost and now we have to start all over. I felt responsible. Responsible because I forgot those two days of pre-natal vitamins and had that one Dr. Pepper that afternoon. But mostly guilty. Guilty because I didn't pray over this baby or pregnancy anything like I did with Kingston's.

I also felt hopeful. Hopeful because I know the Lord knows what He's doing even when we can't seem to understand. And thankful. Thankful because I know the Lord spared CT and I from greater heartbreak down the line. 

Laura Story's song Blessings has been playing in my head non-stop these past few days:
What if Your healing comes through tears.
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near.
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.

It's crazy, my Dr. (Dr. Maki who is seriously a God send) said 1 in 6 pregnancies end up this way. We shared the news on Facebook a week ago and 16 people reached out saying they had experienced what we were going through. That just goes to show that any healthy pregnancy and healthy baby is truly a miracle. 

I know we will get to experience pregnancy again soon. I just hope I never have to experience this experience again. 

PS - Thank you to everyone for the texts, calls and messages - the kind words and prayers for our family. 
They can be felt. 

Recipe: No-Bakes {Lactation Style}

If you turn to Pinterest for lactation promoting recipes - you will come across tons of different options to help get your juices flowin'. You will find more then enough different variations of cookies/brownies/baked goods that incorporate these 3 magical ingredients: fenugreek, brewers yeast and flaxseed. 

I kept coming across the oh so simple no-bake cookie lactation recipe. Luckily, I make some pretty mean no-bakes and I figured I would incorporate the three ingredients into my recipe. 

1. In a saucepan - boil sugar/cocoa/butter/milk to boil for 1 minute
2. Take off heat and stir in pb/vanilla

2. Once combined, add liquid mixture to oatmeal/flaxseed meal/brewer's yeast/fenugreek and mix 

3. Spoon onto wax paper and let cool 

TIPS

*brewer's yeast is different than baker's yeast 

*flaxseed meal or ground flaxseed will work

*both brewer's yeast and flaxseed meal can be found at your local health food store 
(but I also found flaxseed meal at Dillons)

*I used the fenugreek supplement capsules and opened them up to create 2 TBSP
(about 1/3 of the bottle) 

This is a super simple recipe that is deadly because it's so delicious! I'm sure you could add these 3 magical ingredients to just about anything - but what's the fun in it if they aren't sweet? Next time around I'm going to double the recipe just because I can and because I know I'll eat them. 

I've been chowing down on these the past few days (usually 1 cookie an hour or so before I pump) and I've seen an oz or two difference overall in what I'm pumping at work. It's not much but I'll take whatever extra I can get! 

I'd love to hear if you have success with this recipe or if you've tried any others! 

PS - If you don't want to make the cookies but still want to produce more milk, I was recommended by Kingston's Dr - A Mother's Love supplement. It's a combination of blessed thistle and fenugreek. 

PSS - If you make some cookies using the recipe above - you might as well finish off the fenugreek using the recommended dosage on the bottle.   

Draining the GOODS ... on the job!

 I guess you could say that my life these days revolves around that little 'tingle' of a let down. Anyone who has had the pleasure of pumping knows exactly what I'm talking about when I say I have a love/hate relationship with my Medela. Pumping is such a time consuming process but the fruits of my labor is so rewarding in the end. What keeps me going is the pure satisfaction of knowing I'm able to give my son the best nutrients possible except mine is seasoned with a little Dr. Pepper!

 I remember back to the very beginning of mommy-hood when my little gremlin was eating every 2.5-3 hours a day and it seemed like such a CHORE to fit in another session to pump. It's still a chore to fit in these pumping sessions, but now this chore happens while I'm at work. 

Thankfully at my job we have access to a 'mothers rooms' where you can book it as many times a day as you need and it's a quiet secluded place to get away to pump. Currently on my calendar, I have the room reserved at 10a/1p/4p and I'm able to come home with about 12-14 oz of liquid gold a day.

Below are some tips/tricks/advice that have helped me have a successful pumping experience so far. 

Tips, Tricks and Advice

1. Make the time. As hard as it is to get away from the hustle and bustle of work - find 20 minutes or so a few times a day to get away. If you can't get away multiple times a day, try your best to pump in the morning. I'm not sure why, but we produce more milk in the morning than in the afternoon. 

2. Find a way. I know not everyone is as fortunate to have dedicated pumping rooms, but if you can't find an open room - sneak away to the restroom or invest in a car adapter. 

3. Pack the right supplies. I always have two small Medela bottles with a (correct sized) breastshield, valve and membrane. An extra big bottle with lid to pour the pumped goods in, an extra lid for the small Medela bottle just incase I pump more than what the big bottle can hold, and a freezer bag just in case my memory fails me and I forget the big bottle or extra lid at home. Lastly, all of these items fit nicely into a handheld cooler that snaps on my pump's bag and fits easily in the fridge at work. 

4. Don't wash the parts after each pumping session. Fresh breastmilk is good in the fridge for up to 8 days - so the bottle and parts will keep the same way as long as they are stored in the fridge. Most days, I wait until I'm home from work and toss everything in the dishwasher to be cleaned. This means I don't wash anything all day through 3 sessions of pumping and it saves so much time!

5. Wait for that second let down. Usually I spend 20 minutes during each session and if I'm patient I can have two let downs (sometimes even 3) in that time frame. If you find yourself not being able to have a second let down, when you notice the milk is no longer coming ... switch the pump back to the 'quick sucking' speed which usually helps promote that let down. More let downs = more milk. 

6. Pull up pictures or videos of your little one while you are pumping. Some say this helps relax you and aids in the let down process. Either way, it helps me miss my little one less and if it helps with the let down thats a bonus. 

7. Have a package of oatmeal for breakfast and try to drink as much water as possible. Like I said before - my drink of choice is dr. pepper and I'd drink that all day everyday if I could. But I can't, so I make sure to fill my tumbler full of water as soon as I get to work and I make sure it says full throughout the day. Do what it takes to stay hydrated, preferably with water. 

8. If you have your own office, invest in a handsfree bra so you can multi-task and work while pumping. 

9. Consider freezing your freshly pumped milk and using your freezer stash for the next days bottles. This is a little more work and costs a little more because you having to invest in more freezer bags, but this way your freezer stash won't get close to expiring. The worst thing ever would be having to throw away frozen milk that you slaved over, all because it had expired. 

10. Always double check your outfit prior to leaving the pumping room. Thankfully I haven't had anything happen to prompt this piece of advice, this is just one of my biggest fears. How awful would it be to return to your desk with your cami still pulled down under your bra or your breast pad hanging out the top of your shirt? SO awful!

Hope these helped!! 

Working/pumping mamas ...what's worked best for you? 

1st Month {Mama} Must Haves

Earlier this week I wrote about 1st Month Month Haves for Kingston. Today I'm going to let you in on a few necessities I've needed to survive this past month.  

1. Cute Tumbler filled with Grape Koolaid

If you are breastfeeding or have breastfed - you know all about that constant thirst.  Unfortunately, I've never been one of those people that love water. I wish I was but I'm not. This past month though, I've had a tumbler beside me at all times and 4/5 times you will find it filled with grape koolaid. I figured since it's essentially sugar water and I'm staying hydrated - it's fine. Once Kingston starts peeing purple, I'll cut back. 

2. Thong Panty Liners

So . . . remember how I ended up having to have a c-section? One would assume after a vaginal delivery that you would bleed for quite awhile - but who knew that after a c-section you would bleed just as much or more. TMI - but I don't wear granny panties so these are a must. 

3. Summer Infant Safe Sight Digital Color Video Monitor

I had such a hard time deciding which monitor to go with and after having the summer infant safe sight color video monitor for a month, I am so happy with my choice. Being a first time mom, I can't imagine not being able to see the baby - especially for us because Kingston has been sleeping in his crib in the other room since day 5. I like this monitor because you can zoom in and out and it comes in both color and automatic night vision. 

4. Nike Athletic Shorts

I have lived in Nike shorts since having Kingston (except for church days). They are so comfy and you don't need to change ever if you don't want to. They are acceptable to wear in front of company, they can be worn to sleep, out on a walk or to Wal-mart. 
They really are multi-functional ... and cute! 

5. Dermalogica Clearing Skin Wash

So as soon as Kingston was removed from my tummy - my 14 year old complexion decided to reappear. This face wash is expensive but it is a good product. Thankfully I got it back when I was working at the spa and received a huge bottle at a discount. It's working for me now but zits are super annoying and I'm always looking for a product that works better. 

What do you use to fight acne?

6. Phone App - Assistive Light 

During all of my middle of the night nursing sessions, I turn on this bad boy. I try as careful as possible to keep Kingston in a night time 'sleepy' mode without stumbling around and hurting ourselves. This light is easy to get to on my phone and a total necessity. 

7. Phone App - Feed Baby 

For the past 5 weeks I have been tracking all of Kingston's diapers/feeding sessions/naps. As of today, I will only be using it to track which side he nurses from and how often. Since we are doing the Baby Wise method of nursing ever 2.5/3 hours, it helps having easy access to see when he last ate. This app also has options to track their stats (weight,height,etc) and pumping sessions. It does it all and it's super user friendly. The only thing I wish the free version had was the ability to pause during a nursing session. I've considered purchasing the full version just so I can have that feature. Too many times we pause to burp or readjust. 

8. What to Expect - The First Year

If you read my post about all the stuff I have googled in the first few weeks, you know I am a nervous nelly and have so many questions about everything. This book is awesome and covers any topic imaginable that could come up in the first year of your child's life. I am so glad I was able to borrow this from a friend (thanks Jenna!). 

9. Automatic Car Start

Whether you have a baby in the summer heat or winter cold, having your car the correct temperature prior to getting in is amazing for both mama and baby. I'm so glad I got an auto start for Christmas. It was definitely money well spent. 

10. On Demand/Netflix/Hulu/DVR Subscription 

 I have spent so many hours on my couch in front of the TV the past 5 weeks. With that being said, day time TV is brutal and I have been on the lookout for new shows. Thank goodness for DVR and Netflix.

11. Lansinoh Disposable Nursing Pads

The baby cries - I leak. The baby nurses from one side - I leak from the other. I get out of the shower - I leak. Needless to say ... I'm a fountain and these are essential for me. I was gifted Medela disposable pads but I've had better luck with the Lansinoh brand. They absorb a little better and are odorless. 

12. Gilligan and O'Malley Nursing Bra

I have two of these (wireless) and I couldn't live without them. Enough said. 



13. Covered Goods Nursing Cover
 At first I was able to borrow a nursing cover purchased from Udder Covers. Being a first time mom, it has taken a little practice feeling comfortable nursing in public. One thing I didn't like about the Udder Cover was that it didn't cover your backside. So while I was hiking my shirt up at the volleyball game I had to continue tucking it in in the back so I wasn't exposed. Thanks to instagram I found Covered Goods. Their cover slips over both shoulders, is made from a super cute light weight fabric and covers everything so you don't have to be self conscious about anything being seen. It also can be worn as a scarf or car seat cover if you choose. Multi-functional is the best! 


14. A Friend 
Someone you can ask anything and everything to. Someone that is available to listen to your crazy questions, someone who will give you advice but not get offended if you don't take it, someone who is encouraging and someone who will pray for you. I definitely could not have survived this first month without friends. 


Am I missing anything that would make the next month even easier?

Linking up with Serenity Now.
*This content uses referral links.

Googled It

The entire time I was pregnant, the doctor and everyone I talked to always said not to turn to Dr. Google seeking answers to any questions I might have. 

I assume the same goes for post pregnancy. Since coming home with Kingston, I can't tell you how much time (mostly during the middle of my night feeds) that I've spent searching google. I chalk it up to being a first time mom and having SO many questions and concerns about everything. 

Let me let you in on some of my recent searches: 

Do baths give infants ear infections?

(CT is always so cautious when we give Kingston a bath and worries about him getting an ear infection. According to Google - 'swimmers ear' can be caused by bath water that sits in the outer ear for to long and it is recommended to throughly dry the ears after bath time.)

Newborn 3 week growth spurts.

Infant sleepier after growth spurt.

(Kingston has been really good about eating every 3 hours (almost on the dot) during the day. Well a few nights ago and yesterday afternoon, Kingston broke all his norms = wanting to eat every hour or so and then the next day taking awesome naps. According to Google - infants do go through a growth spurt around 3 weeks of age and increased feedings and sleepiness after is associated with this spurt.)

Infant skin peeling.

(Kingston had peeling on all of his extremities and we were wondering if this was normal. According to Google - this is normal and not something to be concerned with. They see increased skin peeling on the wrists, hands, ankles and feet of overdue babies. (Kingston was 2 days overdue.))

What causes baby acne?

How to prevent baby acne.

(Poor Kingston had/has a bad case of baby acne - mostly on his cheeks and chin - just like his mama. According to Google - this shows up usually around 2/3 weeks and is caused by stimulation of babies oil glands due to an increase in hormones passed from the mother to baby at birth. I am so ready for this to be gone for him! Until then, we are washing his face a few times daily to try and help the situation.) 

Newborn eye goop

(I had noticed eye goop in Kingston's left eye 3 times since coming home from the hospital. I didn't know if this was 'sleep' like us adults get or what the cause of it is was. According to Google - This could be caused by a clogged tear duct and require massaging if it persists. Since I googled this, I haven't seen anymore goop.)

Damage to soft spot on back of babies head. 

(After feeding Kingston one night, I was getting up off the couch and bonked the back of his head on CT's knee. Of course, I freaked out and immediately started to google how tough the soft spots are, how damage is detected and what to look for if there is damage. According to Google - the babies soft spots aren't as delicate as we all think. The brain is covered by a thick membrane and it would take quite a bit of force to damage it. Thankfully, after talking with CT, he said it wasn't that hard of a bonk which made me feel less of a horrible mom.) 

I tell you what - being a mom is so amazing but so scary at the same time. This little human depends 100% on us for everything and it is our duty to make sure they are properly taken care of. I have a fear of noticing something and not taking the appropriate action, so that's why I turn to Google. I've learned to stay off the message board type questions and answers because those moms always post the worst case scenarios. As the time goes on, I'm sure I'll become more confident in my 'mama instincts' but until then I'll continue to turn to Google. 

Have you googled any of the same things as I have? 

My Hospital Bag

Since we head to the hospital tonight at 730p -  I figured this post would be fitting for today. I have asked all my closest friends and pinterested the heck out of what to bring to the hospital, and I think I finally have my bag packed for the last time. 

Here is my version (being a first time mom) of what's in my hospital bag. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For Kingston:

- Two sleepers that open at the bottom with coordinating hats and socks

(I like these because they have the sleeves that fold over to cover their hands which means no need for gloves.) 

- Going home outfit with coordinating socks 

(an outfit that allows for his legs to be free so he can be easily buckled into his carseat)

- light weight blanket

- swaddle blanket 

(not pictured)

-burp cloth

-nail file

-paci

For Me:

- Oversized sleep t-shirt to change into after we move to our postpartum room

(I read that they are still checking everything down there often and want easy access to your hooha and tummy. I've read a lot of people like robes for this reason but I like the idea of a t-shirt better.) 

- Larger than normal panties

(Some people swear by the mesh panties the hospital gives you, but if for some reason I don't like them - these will help me feel a little more normal and can be thrown away after) 

- Jacket, slippers, socks and flip flops 

- Going home outfit 

(yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt) 

- Regular nursing bra & a nursing sports bra
(I plan to wear the regular nursing bra during labor and then it can easily be removed when the time comes to put him on my chest.)

- Festive drink tumbler

- Travel shampoo, conditioner, body wash and toothbrush 

- Headband, makeup bag, deodorant and comb 

(not pictured)

- Lanolin cream 

(I was told to put it on as soon as possible for prevention purposes - but to ask your nurse first for some. Basically this is a just in case item.)

Extra items:

- Notebook to write questions, birth story in, etc. 

- Mat board for guests to sign 

(This goes to a shadow box that we will keep all the stuff from the hospital in.) 

- Birth certificate information, insurance card, card stock (For them to do his footprints on. This way if they mess up I can have them redone and then I'll just paste them in the baby book) and folder to house all the extra papers we get

- Boppy, extra bag (for all the hospital goodies they say to take home with you), phone charger, snack bag for CT (gum, nutrigrain bars, etc), vending machine money 

(not pictured)  

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What do you think? I am notorious for being an over packer . . . so I'm sure I have way more stuff then is necessary. I've also only packed for your regular 24 hour hospital stay - so if we end up having to stay longer, I'll have CT run home for some extra clothes. 

Do you think I am missing anything? 

Is there anything you wish you would have packed that you didn't? 

40 Weeks - DUE DAY!

How far along: 40 Weeks -- WE MADE IT! 

Food Comparison: Small Pumpkin

Weight gain: +25 lbs 

Maternity clothes: Yes. 

Stretch marks: So many. 

Belly button in or out: Out. 

Sleep: Sleep has actually been okay this past week. 

Best moment last week: Only working 3 days last week and having a long week to prepare for his arrival. 

Worst moment last week: Walking, walking and trying a ton of things to make Mr. Kingston come and he doesn't want to. 

Miss anything: Some, but I'm going to enjoy these last few days of having a baby growing inside me -- so no I don't miss anything. 

Movement: He is still moving but I can definitely tell he is running out of room. 

 Cravings: Drinks. 

Queasy or sick: No. I just feel like a baby is falling out of me. 

Looking forward to: Meeting Kingston.   

Labor Progression: Same as last week - softening and about a 1cm. We go in tomorrow night to start the process of his birth! He should be here with us 7/30/14. 

Prayer Request: Please Lord let me have a safe/uncomplicated delivery with the birth of a healthy baby boy. 

5 on Friday

1. I would say TGIF . . . but my Friday started on Wednesday and my weekend lasts until November. Oh the joys of maternity leave! Everyone says it goes by so fast but I hope it's the longest 3 months of my life. 

2. We went out to a birthday dinner last night to a Mexican restaurant and everyone was ordering margaritas on national tequila day. I swear I'm not a lush but this summer heat has me really craving a nice frosty drink. Plus, Pinterest hasn't been helping either. 

Frozen Margarita

Sour Lightening 

Strawberry Milkshake
all via

3. Nesting is in full swing around these parts these days. I even have the hubby in on it. We have went through our closets and uploaded everything to about 5 different buy/sell/trade groups on Facebook to try and get rid of this stuff. Feels good to purge this clutter we no longer need/wear and in return earn a little extra cash. 

4. I'm officially SO huge that when my husband stands besides me - he looks like he weighs less then me. Such a sad day. 

(Nursery tour coming soon!)

5. I can't wait for fall shows to start back up again. 

I confess ... I'm a TV junky. Scandal. Grey's Anatomy. Betrayal. I've also seen a good trailer for How To Get Away with Murder. Thursday TV has and will always be my favorite 

Hope ya'll have a good weekend and please be thinking about me. Hopefully by this time next week we will have a baby home with us! 

39 Weeks

I officially have a torpedo for a belly. 

How far along: 39 Weeks

Food Comparison: Mini Watermelon - and my belly sure looks like one.

Weight gain: +25 lbs 

Maternity clothes: I am so ready to have clothes that fit again. I have worn the crap out of the few things that I've purchased. They have been washed so many times that there are starting to get fuzz balls all over the outside. Time for them to be thrown away! 

Stretch marks: Yeup. Inner thighs. Sides of booty. Under belly button. So sad.

Belly button in or out: Out. I had no clue it could stick out as far as it is. Reference picture above.

Sleep: Brutal. I wake up every 2-3 hours to use the restroom and have a Braxton Hick Contraction. Luckily, I'm able to fall back asleep as soon as the tightness goes away. 

Best moment last week: Spending some last minute quality time with CT. We went and saw the new planet of the apes movie on Saturday and hung out all day doing nothing on Sunday. It was really nice.  

Worst moment last week: Swelling and stretch marks. My body has officially changed so much .. but for the good.

Miss anything: A few things. Check back later this week for what I'm looking forward to.  

Movement: He is still moving but I can definitely tell he is running out of room. 

 Cravings: Drinks - but I need to drink more water. I got scolded from the OB.    

Queasy or sick: No. I just feel like a baby is falling out of me. 

Looking forward to: Tomorrow being my last day of work and having my son here no later then next Wednesday! 

Labor Progression: Nothing new. Still softening and about a 1cm. We also had another non-stress test. Last week because we thought he wasn't moving enough and this week because his heart rate was high. Thankfully everything came out okay and we just have an active baby! Plus a mama who needs to drink more water.  

Prayer Request: Same prayer as last week - 
This week I pray a fast labor and delivery and the ability to breastfeed! I have so many friends pregnant and their babies have started to arrive. I know our time is coming soon and as much as I'm looking forward to our little man being here - I'm not looking forward to the unknown (the delivery). 
Praying for peace.

5 On Friday

TGIF! 

Can I get an ayyyyyy-men! 

Here are 5 randoms for this Friday. 

1. Today officially makes us 10 days out from our due date. I can't believe it's almost time for CT and me to meet Kingston. We are so ready for him to join us. Our house is ready (I think), his clothes are washed, car seats are in the cars, and our bags are packed ... now we are just waiting on him. Some moments throughout the day I feel like I could be pregnant for a few more months - and then I'm quickly brought back to reality with the various pains I'm feeling. Hurry up already little man!

2. I added a few more Puff Quilts to the Etsy shop last night! I am so thankful for the ladies who have purchased from me these last few weeks. I hope this little venture continues to take off - and hopefully we won't be struggling as much as I think we will while I'm on maternity leave. 

3. Speaking of maternity leave - I'm officially on break starting next Wednesday. 

I'm already dreading heading back and I haven't even left. For all you mama's that went back to work -- what helped with the sadness? 

4. I'm about half way through the book Baby Wise. If you haven't read it, it talks about parent directed feeding and how to get your child to sleep through the night by 8 weeks. This is a very controversial topic but I think it's a great idea. My friend sent me a quote today that perfectly describes the process: 

" As parents, we teach our kids how to be good humans. We teach them how to say please and thank you, how to drink from a cup, how to get dressed, and how to tie their shoes. No one would argue with this. Why then, do we shy away from teaching them how to sleep and eat at normal times? It's not cruel, it's a service to them. A gift even. And I'm a much happier momma and productive person when I've had sleep as well" 

I would love any feedback or tips you have on this process! 

5. Bentley has been extra cuddly lately and I love it. In a few more days his world is going to be turned upside down and I hope he takes to Kingston like we do. He's usually jealous if anyone has our attention so I'm interested to see how this all pans out. 

Can you tell my mind is 100% on baby? 

Hope you have a good Friday and if you are stopping by from the link up - I hope you will follow along as I try and navigate this new journey of motherhood!